I can’t imagine

I was in the kitchen, baking as I so often am, and a thought struck me like a lead balloon. I can’t imagine ever being pregnant.I don’t even dream it any more.

Don’t get me wrong, I imagine having children and the associated stuff of getting there but the physicallity of it escapes me. I envy the proud bumps of others I see, but even then I can’t visualise me with that bump, feeling a baby move.

Is that normal? I’m not sure, that thought scares me a little, as if my inability to imagine it is what’s stopping us conceiving. It’s a long and complex road we’re traveling down.

I should really be in bed now, so night night,

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