I have very few close friends but I’m really lucky in that my best friend is BC. From the first moment we met (and our four day first date…) we’ve been inseperable. Even though we get grizzly with each other every now and then, on the whole we get along really well. We’re happy both doing things together and apart.
I wish the same could be said for my family. I’m estranged from both my Mom and Dad. When I was 15 my father disowned me because I was seeing a white boy. In the 12 years since I’ve barely spoken to him. I have also got a somewhat awkward relationship with my mother. She was very abusive, both physically and mentally. She went profoundly deaf when I was 6 and since then I was her primary carer. Finally about 6 months ago I got sick of her mind games and avoided contact with her. Over the years she has fallen out with all three of my siblings and never me, mainly cos I just hold my tongue but I just can’t do it any more. It makes my life so dysfunctional. We can’t talk to any of our maternal relatives for fear of upseting my mom who does not speak to any of them for many trivial reasons.
Thinking about these things always makes me wonder about my one day children. I’d like them to have the extended family I never had. They say you learn your parenting skills from your parents and I don’t want to have that kind of relationship with my children. I’d like to have best friend status, at least until they are too old for that lol. I’m thankful for BC’s side of the equation because though not perfect they are lovely. They’ve made me feel very welcome. BC’s mum took me in this christmas and treated me as well as her own children I felt so blessed.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who worries about how they will fair as a parent. Especially when you’ve been on the journey for so long am I?