Not doing very well

First of all I apologise for not taking a full and active part in ICLW. I’ve not been feeling myself. In fact I have been feeling extremely miserable. Wednesday was probably my worst day. I don’t know why but I just cried all day. I cried when I woke up, I cried silently at my desk, I then excused myself to the loo and cried there. I then called my sister at lunch and cried by the river. Finally I cried when I got off the train from work and saw BC coming down the road towards me, I was happy to see him.

I’m not sure why I feel so sad. There’s been no major changes really. I just have an ovewhelming feeling of sadness. It’s not even there all the time so that when I get a little happy I somehow get guilty for betraying my sadness. It’s hard to explain really but I thought I would try to apologise.

I’m feeling a little better today. I spent some time with my mom and sisters yesterday. Saw my sisters new flat and did a little essentials shopping. I felt better for having seeing them but left no time to blog. I’m currently sharing my desk in the afternoons and its been busy.

Hope to update soon and hope you all understand.



11 thoughts on “Not doing very well

  1. Don’t apologize! You are entitiled to your feelings and though it may feel bad at the time, the best thing you can do is to give yourself permission to release them.
    I wondered if you are aware of the PCOS charity in the UK: Verity. They have a forum on their website,, where you may find other women dealing with the same infertility issues. You may find that you can get some much needed support there.

    I hope that you are feeling a little better today. It is the most gorgeous, crisp, sunny autumn day in the London area, and hopefully, where you are. Allow yourself the weekend to work through your feelings and hopefully, the sadness will begin to lift.

    Lisa (ICLW #86)

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time emotionally. It happens. Randomly. I had one of those a couple of weeks ago. I felt like I was completely collapsing. It is so hard to get through times like that. Sending you lots of (((HUGS))) and hoping you feel better soon.

  3. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down right now. I finally opted to see a therapist a few years ago after my fifth loss. I can’t even begin to tell you the difference it made. Infertility & loss are incredibly painful (as you know all too well) and difficult to deal with, and talking with someone who wasn’t part of my inner circle really, really helped me gain perspective and learn some great coping mechanisms.

    I know I don’t know you (so forgive me busting in and making such a personal suggestion), but I know how important therapy was in my healing process and I always recommend it to others who are struggling.

    Anyway, I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m thinking of you and sending peaceful vibes your way.


  4. Better late for ICLW than never? I’m still playing catch-up, but wanted to stop by and say hello.

    Sadness. Oh, woman, I hear ya. A couple weeks ago, I fell into a pit of despair. It was thick, powerful, and terrifying. I just wasn’t myself, and felt as though the light in my eyes had gone out. Everyone’s emotions come from different causes, obviously, but mine seemed to correspond to my stopping progesterone supplements. The fog eventually lifted after a week or so, at the same time as my temperature finally went back down. I just wanted to tell you that you’re not alone. Please make sure you have good people to talk to about this, whether friends or a therapist. This too shall pass; I promise. Sending you bundles of hugs.

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