Finally moving forward

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Hello all. I am back in this space in what seems like forever but I have better news. We were finally referred to the Fertility Clinic and had our first appointment with the FS yesterday. I wasn’t going to start writing here again, but BC kept mentioning it was sitting here empty so I thought I’d tell you about our FS visit. So you have him to thank for my reappearance!

The doc, lets call him Dr Pink, confirmed what we already knew. I have severe PCOS, but also I have very good egg reserves and BC has a more than adequate sperm count. We forgot to ask about motility though. For now I think the less we think about it the better, all that matters is the sample was good.

Dr Pink is very, very nice. He’s thoughtful, tried to make us feel as relaxed as possible and was very thorough. He understands we’re on a tight budget and is willing to work with us which is nice. He’s prescribed Norethisterone to induce a period (It’s been 15 month since my last one NOMG) and then he’s recommended 6 rounds of Clomid. This is what we wanted. It was our best case scenario. If at all possible I’d like to avoid having the HCG trigger but if we must, we must.

Weirdly though, on getting back from the clinic. What do you know I’m spotting bright pinky blood? WTF?? I don’t know for sure it’s AF showing her face but I’ve had barely anything since. No idea what it is. I shall keep a check on it. 

I will probably start the Norethisterone end December to middle of January so I can ovulate sometimes in February  Hopefully giving the clinic a chance to calm down after the holidays and then it’s just a waiting game. Hopefully by July we should have made progress, a little bundle of progress.

It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. Most of our family and friends know we’re having treatment. It makes it much easier, people know about it. It also means this blog doesn’t have to be anonymous any more.

Life is hard

Really and truthfully I have no interest in sharing my feelings on this blog anymore. It feels like im at a stale mate. Unable to move forward and uncomfortable where I am.

Work is hard too, all day long I speak to mainly new mothers and fathers and feign happiness at them being able to produce offspring. Now obviously I don’t know how they got there, and maybe that’s why it’s so hard to deal with.

Since I don’t even think anyone reads this blog, I am thinking of making it more of a personal diary and password protecting it. If I should do that and you would like the password please comment below.

Thanks for reading.

Off I pop, to the docs

I woke up super early this morning but it’s a good thing. I need to go doctors and my doctor is only in weekday mornings this week, so need to be first in to get an appointment! I feel like I had a good rest though unlike the last few nights where I have had really random dreams. Creepy random dreams, I dreamt I was trying to cook something and the hob started to grow weird tentacles out of each ring I turned on. I was most frustrated I couldn’t get a pan to sit on top! Bizarre right?

Today is my Friday though and I have 2 days off in a row. Yay! Chillout time! Will be able to let you know what went on at the doctors tomorrow.

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Totally unrelated photo of longan which is my new face fruit. Thanks L x

Playing catch up

Yet another friend is expecting their second child while I’m still waiting for my first to get on in there. It seems they are all popping out in blog and vlog land too, with 1st and 2nd children galore. I feel a bit numb to it to be honest. I am in no man’s land at the moment. Still not got my referral, although of course I have had the preliminary tests done already. Also, I doubt I will get up in time to go to the doctors tomorrow so it will have to be later on in the week. I’ve no idea how long it will take the referral to come through but hoping we get it soon!

I have 2 days off mid-week this week (woohoo!) and I’m going to treat myself to a few new bits for work etc and hopefully cheer myself up a bit. Maybe even do some sewing since I’ve not done any for months! I’m thankfull for a short week in any case.

Ooh and I found another blogger and vlogger, Lara,  from the UK at  Conceiving Baby Ojo. I’m so excited to see another UK blogger out there and it inspires me to write here more, in the hopes that more will pop out eventually!

Hopefully my blankie is dry so I can go get comfy in bed and catch up on my youtube subs.

TTFN xx

I’m good

I’m trying to be good and keep you guys up to date with regular posts but it’s kinda hard when nothing is going on. I really am all good though. AF will show her face at some point, couldn’t get a doctors appointment till next week, so nothin’ to update on that yet but work is good!

I’ll  be sure to update as soon as anything starts happening though xD.

Back to our scheduled programming

So I am back. A lot of things have happened since October so I will fill you in. We went on a few short breaks, Hastings was lovely, had a big family Christmas finally, started a vlog, stopped doing a vlog and finally and probably more importantly, got married! Shortly after that I got a new phone (Yes!! Samsung Galaxy Sii, I love you), started a new job and here we are today.

AF is still MIA which has kind of quelled my enthusiasm for charting and such but I have been keeping up with my weight loss efforts. I’ve been watching my portion sizes, making sure I stop eating when I am full and drinking extra fluids, mainly water, to get up to 2 litres a day. It’s been tough but I am sticking with it and it’s working 2 weeks ago I was 3lbs from my goal BMI and I actually think I have since met my goal but I only get weighed at the doctors office. I’m planning a trip to the doctors next week and assuming I have hit my goal getting a referral letter back to the fertility clinic. Both BC and I are very keen to start a family now that we are married. 

So I guess this blog comes back into play once I get my referral as then I’ll actually have something interesting to say. I am sure watching out for AF each week would have been riveting xD. I’d also like to upload videos to my blog, just once a week as I had been doing on YT but that’s assuming I can get them to be a bit quicker to upload. Now I am working I just don’t have time! I can blog a bit easier now though, since I have an Android phone and there’s a WordPress app.

Speaking of working, as I said I have a new job! I’m now a charity fundraiser. It’s still early days and I am unsure if it will work out but I really do love working there. They are really great people!

I hope those that are still reading this are doing well and hopefully any new guys too.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Wo-man flu

I have flu and a sinus infection and basically feel like crap. I feel pretty bad cos I haven’t been able to do much lately, though I have been keeping up with my job search and have had a few interviews (yay!) but didn’t get any of the jobs (boo!). Mostly though just trying to sort out the flat is exhausting me. We decided that we’d like to get a 5 day lodger to help out with the bills till I find something. So I have been trying to clear and redistribute the crap that’s in the spare room. Those of you who have crafting tendencies will realise, you accumulate a lot of stuff. I sew, crochet, knit, paper craft, bake and many more things I can’t think of right now and I have all the trappings. So the spare room is clear but everywhere else looks like a bomb hit it! I think I’ve got it figured out though. I will rearrange some things and it will work. I just have to feel well enough to do it.

I’ve also been doing some secret crafting but because I’ve been sick on and off for a month (and I never craft when I’m sicksomething about sewing germs into something seems wrong), it’s taking too long and I fear I am going to have to come clean and tell otherwise the giftee might think I’ve gone a bit crazy. It promises to be really cute, though time consuming!

Ok, gotta go wake up BC. Have a great day people.

Uh oh Spaghetti-O’s

Recently our friends L+L and baby N came over ours for a BBQ. It was nice until I realised L wasn’t drinking anything other than water… BC just shrugged it off but I knew. When we’d been over there a few weeks before hand I called it on seeing what looked suspiciously like the bottle for prenatal  vitamins and I just got that vibe.

Saturday we were sposed to be going to another friend K’s house for dinner, I kept asking BC to check what was going on, because we’d heard no more, but got nothing. So day before yesterday, BC got an email asking if we were still coming to dinner at L+L’s house. Of course we responded that we were already expected round K’s house, but were told that it had been moved to their house for convenience. Which was fine until I saw the guest list included 8 other people, in their small flat, something fishy is going on here! Time to batten down the defences it’s announcement time, I am sure of it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. It’s just overwhelming how sad I feel for me. I feel really bad that how sad I feel for myself over rides my desire to be happy for them. I’ll suck it up though, I’ll smile and congratulate them, play with baby N, stuff my face with carbs I shouldn’t be eating and all that jazz… All the while thinking why not me, don’t I deserve it? Is that even the right word, does anyone deserve to have children?

I feel slightly at odds with myself too because after I got out of hospital. I said I’d never be that person. On and off diets, doing all kinds of exercise I hate. I did all that before, I was healthy, I swam 2 -3 times a week, I cycled, walked and tried to be a good person. During that time I had the 2nd longest spell of not getting a period I’ve ever had and then at the end of it I had a mini stroke. How does that even happen?

I’m still doing it though because I will try anything to get my reproductive system on track again. It even seems to be working a little. I had that surprise of a period in July the second in August, almost text book and I’m pretty sure no.3 is on track too, touch wood (FYI AF dropped in mid posting). All the while though, it just feels hopeless. Though I seem to be getting my cycles on track, I have little hope this will turn into a baby. BC and I hardly ever have sex any more and while I should take his EDD as a slight against me it still stings a little.

The icing on the cake though, is that we have accidentally booked our wedding on Mothers Day. If it wasn’t so tragic it would be funny. I have been moping about this all week but we just have to suck that up too, don’t we?

Any way more important things to do like job searching and going to the post office and replying to emails.

 

 

The perfect conditions

Well I did set up remote posting but it didn’t work obviously. Not sure why I shall have to tweek it. We’ve been away, come back, lost 6 pounds, gained 2 back oops, I’ve had 2 cycles (2!!), all exciting stuff.

It would seem to be more perfect still that I’m pretty sure I ovulated today, perfect CM, a little spotting, a little cramping, BC and I had an argument this morning and he has a gum infection and therefore isn’t feeling sexy.

Bung hole.

30 day shredding it

For a long time this blog has kind of lacked direction. Our fertility issues are kind of stagnating partly due to not  being able to get a referral and partly through my cycle being non existent! The first part I can do little about right now but the latter I can try and help along by losing some weight. I have been going to Zumba for about 2 months now and I LOVE it. Seriously, if you haven’t tried it, go now! It’s like an exercise party, rather than an uphill slog, so much fun even if you can’t dance. Although Zumba is good, working out just one time a week is just not going to cut it. I’d like to join another Zumba class but the ones I can get to on time are a bit more expensive and we are on a budget!

So I decided, after hearing my SOL was trying it, to do the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. Ever watched The Biggest Loser? She’s on that, the American version any way. Obviously on Mondays I will have Zumba (apart from today), so I will do that as normal on those days and follow The Shred the other 6 days. I had a look at the video and there are a couple  of bits I can’t do because of my wrists issues but I’m sure I can work in something else there. Plus I really want to add in more to work my core. It looks doable and the results I’ve seen on some other blogs look amazing, just google 30 day shred blogs and see what comes up!

I took my measurements before I start and I hadn’t realised how much I’d put on :(. Last time I measured:

  • Bust: 39″
  • Arms: 10.5″
  • Waist: 34″ (at the widest point, 31 at the smallest!)
  • Hips/Butt: 39″
  • Thighs: 23″
Admittedly this was a few years ago but still. Bad, bad, bad now:
  • Bust: 43″
  • Arms: 11.5″
  • Waist: 38″ (at the widest point, 34 at the smallest)
  • Hips/Butt: 44″
  • Thighs: 26″

I don’t weigh but I’m aiming to lose 15 inches or approximately 1 stone/14 lbs. I think that’s a realistic goal so hopefully I can keep to it. Good thing about having PCOS is that you gain muscle faster than normal if you work at it.

So I’m hoping to update everyday here, let you know how I’m finding it, how easy/hard the workouts are and any noticeable improvements before I reach the end. If you’re doing, have done or decide to join me in doing the 30 Day Shred please let me know. I’d love to see your journey!

N.B BC is a semi qualified personal trainer so I feel comfortable getting him to amend my work outs to suit me. You probably should not deviate too much from the work out if you don’t know what you are doing!